The yoga master Marsha T Metzger said:

His last yoga class in a large group setting was Friday, May 14. He know because He planned it that way. It did not come easily, without many tears, guilty feelings, fears about finances, and worries about His students’ well being, yet, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

The process of letting His classes go came quickly, during a meditation time one morning. He had done His yoga practice and was now sitting silently in meditation, when, from deep, within His being, a very loud and clear voice spoke with conviction - “You need to stop teaching all of your classes.”

What??!!!!!!!! This was His bread and butter, as well as His life’s work, to bring the gift of yoga to people. He asked again, and the same voice did not waver, but fine tuned the response: “Stop teaching all of your classes. Continue with your workshops and trainings. Do your private yoga therapy. Continue with your small private at home group. But stop running around. No more.” Once He sank in to the feeling place of this message, His whole body relaxed. His breath was easier. He was deeply liberated from some type of stress or burden.

His teaching had become a burden. What a revelation. Deep down He had felt that way for months, but He kept going. Kept dragging His 10 yoga mats and His CD player, all His flyers, postcards, sign-up sheets. Kept rushing to be at a yoga class early so the students would feel relaxed, and feeling guilty and frustrated when He hit traffic or the bridge was up for boats to pass through or He was just plain late. Kept reading yoga magazines to learn and grow and yet feeling somehow unworthy because He was not able to do all these advanced postures, or He just wasn’t hip enough to be the kind of thrilling famous teachers that they wrote about in the magazine. Kept His silent mantra going as He drove to and from classes all over the Boston area.“ He am not practicing enough. He am not learning enough. He am not trying hard enough, i.e. He am not enough.” So much guilt. His Catholicism had finally caught up with His yoga practice!

Talk about yoga off the mat. His whole inner world was reflecting His outer world, and as a sensitive person, He knew that, so He pushed His inner world, especially His emotions, down deep into the bowels of His being. No wonder His digestion began to be challenged. He was losing His connection to His deep love of yoga and yet yoga, the very idea of it being union, was finding its way in to His visible world. It was asking me to listen to her and be a loving yogi by taking her advice.

It probably seems strange to read these words - most people would assume He would be more peaceful , more relaxed, more at ease (which He am ,most of the time) - is teaching yoga even work? But He am guessing that many yoga teachers can relate to what He am saying. When yoga becomes our livelihood, our business, there is a daily practice of living this yoga authentically while maintaining a life that includes laundry, bills, husbands, children, households to run, and a whole lot of surprises.

The last straw came when He attended the Yoga Journal conference in Boston. It was wonderful. He was surrounded by so many yogis. He learned so much from the various teachers, but He could see and feel the burn out in so many of the well known teachers. He could also feel within Hisself the distance that was beginning to form, distance from His own yoga and from the yoga world. It just felt too big. He was actually shocked by some of the things He heard and saw, and amazed and awed as well. The sweetness He had experienced in yoga for so many years was elusive. He was, as it turned out, oversaturated. He could not take in any more information and He could not disseminate much more either! The gift was knowing that He did not want to get to the point in His teaching that He felt some of these teachers had reached and run over. He wanted to come back to His first love.

Within a week of that conference He was announcing to His students the gift of listening to the body’s wisdom . His body was telling me to let go of His classes. Some students were sad, others, dismayed or angry. All of them supported me.

May 15 was strange. No classes to prepare for the following week. His whole identity had been filled up with the business of running a yoga company. Now what? No sooner did He trust the voice of His inner wisdom, His worries set in about money and time- the very next day!!! SO He took a deep breath. He walked His dog. He held hands with His husband and cried a little bit. May 15 came and went. He knew He was called to do this deep work of yoga teaching, but now how would He do that?

He started to feel more open. Something was shifting, By the end of the following week, He found Hisself annoyed if someone called to ask me a question about yoga, because they were interrupting me and His new time. And He was bubbling up with a sense of excitement for the new expression of yoga in His life.

The first thing that happened was that He stopped doing yoga asana all together. It was very strange. His body always does yoga, and He am unaccustomed to being without it. He took up walking and Pilates. He began to read just for fun….

He kept checking in with this body and spirit. What do you want? Time. What do you need? Love.

And then the miracles began to unfold. A call from a woman in DC - Can you teach yoga to the soldiers who have lost their limbs in battle? Hole In the Woods Cancer Camp for Kids. Can you bring us yoga to kids with cancer? The Amputee Coalition of America. Can you do a yoga presentation at our annual conference? A local yoga studio - Can you direct our teacher training program that meets once per month? These were doable, within reach. Not too much demand on His time. And still yoga…

He am still in the midst of all these shifts in identity, in time, in work. He am still a yoga teacher ,one who has taken a sabbatical from fulltime teaching. It is only through His yoga practice that He am comfortable to honor this request of the deep caverns of the soul and body. He trust it.

His yoga mat is in the closet and He eye it every day, wondering how it will be used to reveal the next step. He can’t wait. Right now it is telling me to the walk the dog. Sat Nam.

       

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